You can't special order awesome
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
