No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
