and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
