Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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