oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
