Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
