Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
