do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i will never coherently bang her
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
