I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
