didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Moan for me like Helen Keller
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
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