it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
