direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
It's rum buckets o'clock
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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