a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
