I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
