I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
how does that bad decision feel?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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