what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
