he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
