Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
