I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
