Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
