Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
