party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Slut skills are useful in every country.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
