I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
