She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
