i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
