Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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