he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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