She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
