I can tuck mytits in my pants
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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