I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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