i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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