Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
