he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
