Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
