your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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