So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
