You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
