she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
