reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
