I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
