Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
