people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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