he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Randomize
