I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
