I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
