How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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