Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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