It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
