I swear she didn't look like that last week.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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