3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
