i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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