I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
