my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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