It's just like the Real World with babies
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
